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More Wayne’s World quotes, more Spotify catching up on music I was too wasted to notice the first time around.

I chose this Pavement track rather lazily because it references a well known corporate entity. I’ve been thinking that it’s better to put out loads of brief posts rather than nothing for weeks because I can’t think of anything sparkling and exotic to say about the programme. But of course coming back to post it I realise that there’s a 12 step reference there too. Like much of recovery, my relationship with my sponsor has been something of a journey. Obviously, being a perfectionist maniac I had to have the best sponsor in the whole of my fellowship. And my Step 5 was going to be the most mind-blowing one of all eternity. And then everything he said was obviously going to be the purest wisdom in the world. So why not put him on a big pedestal? Turned out he was a normal, nice guy, with all the qualities and defects of all other normal nice guys. Ha. I should call him more often. Here’s Pavement’s “Date With Ikea”.

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Pavement - Date With Ikea

Well, I’ve bought a new car. It’s frankly ridiculous, it’s so big it has its own gravitational field. A massive old Merc. But I love it, no matter what everyone else says. It’s one of those “beyond your wildest dreams” things, I would have never have considered driving an old fart’s car like this when I was a hyper aggressive arsey mad dry drunk phase. But I sit there in double glazed splendour, tootling along at 70 (I can’t afford the petrol to go much faster) and lapping up tunes on the amazing stereo that the millionaire who bought this car in 1996 selected. There’s no iPod connection, I’m not sure whether to put one in, but for the moment it’s CD’s. And you get to listen to CD’s over and over again on big trips, as the changer is in the boot (or “trunk”, for our North American readers). The signature CD for this car appears to be Levy’s 2005 debut Rotten Love. What can I tell you about Levy, fact-fans? Not a lot. It appears to be the working name of James Levy. He used to work in a Jewish cemetery. He’s from Brooklyn. ANOTHER great musician from Brooklyn! I can’t now remember where I heard this track, but I couldn’t find the mp3 to steal anywhere, bought the CD, and the whole thing is great. It’s pretty breezy, pretty slick, some big sky sounds, dare I compare it to, hum, Coldplay? Well, maybe there are hints there, but there’s some Smiths in there too and it’s sufficiently quirky and dreamy and intelligent and knowing and assorted not to be too hideous. And I really should confess to having a soft spot for “Yellow”. Anyway, enough confessions. Here’s the title track.

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Levy - Rotten Love

This question in the Narcotics Anonymous “Step Working Guides” looks, in the context of Step 1, at how our powerlessness over our addiction overrules all innate morals or standards we might have in order that the addiction be fed. I think this ties in quite well with the process in Steps 4 and 5, when we take a moral inventory and admit the exact nature of our wrongs. There is (or certainly was for me) a fear about Steps 4 and 5 that there were these terrible admissions to be made. The process of Step 5 normally reveals that many people in recovery have made similar admissions, and done similar things. The connection is that we are all addicts, and our addiction, and in particular our powerlessness, has this effect of overriding what we know to be right. We find ourselves doing things that we would never do if it weren’t for our addiction, things that make us shudder with shame when we think of them.

So, in “sobriety”, when I find myself doing stuff that I normally wouldn’t dream of doing, my experience and the experiences of others tell me that I’m in a dangerous place. And so the tenuous recovery link to today’s song: Brooklyn’s Matt & Kim’s new single “Lessons Learned”, a rare (and very welcome) vocal foray by Kim, from the excellent new album “Grand“, which comes complete with a new video featuring Matt, Kim, Times Square, and lots of public nudity.

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Matt and Kim - Lessons Learned

Next topic: How does my personality change when I’m acting out on my addiction?

“Never” and “forever” are dangerous words. In the early days, I felt a real sense of grief at the prospect of never being able to, say, drink again.  I would picture some idylic riverside picnic, with a glass of fine wine, a pretty girl, whatever…. That was now cruelly denied to me.  That sense of grief would translate into a feeling self-pity, and that feeling self-pity would perhaps generate a resentment, and the longing would remain within me, waiting for a moment when my defences were down and just one drink didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

Better to just decide to stop for today rather than “forever”.  Whilst it sounds far less stable - saying I could drink/use/smoke/whatever tomorrow generally freaks out friends who aren’t in the programme - in my experience it produces, one day at a time, a comfortable relationship with sobriety in a way that swearing off never did.

Billie the Vision & the Dancers is for me one of the most remarkable bands performing today.  This 7 piece from Malmö is not just another Swedish indie pop outfit (although generally I can never have too many Swedish indie pop outfits) - singer Lars Lindqvist sings-speaks or, when the need arises, belts out, lyrics which can be charming narrative ditties about life on the road, but which can just as easily be brutally honest confessionals about addictions, fears, emotions, problem gambling, financial worries, family, many songs featuring frequent references to the muses “Pablo” and “Lilly”.  Their 4 albums (on their own label “Love Will Pay the Bills”) are spellbinding, and the good news is all are available to download free from their website (although if you have the money and the inclination, you can buy the CDs or make a donation).

Billie the Vision & the Dancers were at the top of my “bands to see” list for most of 2008 - I was lucky enough to catch up with them supporting The Pipettes at the Cockpit in Leeds last autum - 2 hours in the car, their support set, a nervous start, Lars banging an aluminium pan, his brother in a tracksuit the colours of the Swedish flag on the drums, photos being taken of the crowd, Gustav jumping into the audience, smiles, horns, initially baffled Pipettes fans going mental, it all ending too quickly, grinning inanely as CD’s were signed and 2 hours back. An incredible night. They are the best band in the world. Here’s “I’m On The Road”, a song that is about TODAY, and living in that day, and thus the tenuous link to the topic, as well as the beautiful “Man From Argentina”.

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Billie the Vision & the Dancers - I’m On The Road

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Billie the Vision & the Dancers - A Man From Argentina

Next topic: Remembering that alcoholism is an incurable, progressive, fatal disease.