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You want a report from Primavera Sound??  All the gossip, backstage stories, hot bands to watch??  Top ten lists?  Whacky anecdotes?  Well, buddy, I’m afraid you’re in the wrong place… for reasons far, far too turgid to recount here, my little trip to BCN for this festival was a bit of a disaster, and I spent much of the time hanging round airports, eating late “American Breakfasts” at the Philippino cafe, and just basically being a mopey dick.

So of course now I’m having my own, personal, internet based Primavera Sound post-festival, with no massive crowds of gap year Rahs (where did they come from) and Refrescos that were all ice and no Fanta Limon (gotta love the Fanta Limon).  My personal discovery (yes, I realise after 274,903 other Last.fm listeners) of the festival was Beach House, whose amazing album “Teen Dream” is on constant play on my Spotify, and this track, “Walk In The Park” is on constant play in my head, with its less-is-more combo of drum machine, pulsing organ, cascading guitar tremolos, and Victoria Legrand’s incredible husky, sexy, almost masculine vocal. I know I’m coming to the party late, obviously if you want to read a professional and knowledgeable review, I’ll hand you over to the good offices of my closest rival in the blogging trade, but if you haven’t heard of this band, I’m encouraging you to give them a go.

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Beach House - Walk In The Park

Yes, it’s more Wayne’s World quotes.

As our regular reader(s) will be aware, higherpowermoment.com is of course on the interweb’s top trend spotting cutting edge music blogs, responsible for making or breaking bands, setting the agenda, and defining the zeitgeist.

Longtime higherpowermoment.com faves are Spanish electro pop with indie guitar sensibilities band Delorean. See here and here. Now some obscure American outfit called Pitchfork has belatedly hitched on our bandwagon, seen which way the wind has been blowing, and given their latest E.P., brilliantly entitled “Ayrton Senna”, 8.4.

All I can say is welcome to the party, Pitchfork, higherpowermoment.com was here yonks before you, and we give this 11.0.

Please note the original Spanish 12″ artwork, not the pants they are flogging in the States. Wooo! We are so special and different! We were there first! I have this record. But no record player.

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Delorean - Seasun

Well, in order to kick-start this blog after a few months in the doldrums, I thought I’d work through some non-AA (or other 12 step fellowship) approved literature. So I’m going to be choosing as topics quotes from one of my favourite films, the childish, immature, facile but nonetheless completely brilliant “Wayne’s World”.

Well, I hope this is going to work.

My concert going is not quite at the level of absolute mania it was last year, but looking back at the list of stuff in my last.fm diary there’s been some good ones recently, and one of those was the Indietracks festival at the Midlands Railway, Butterley in Derbyshire. This is a completely charming festival where you park up, wander on to a railway platform, get on a real live steam train, and sit in a Formica bar drinking lukewarm pop as you chug through a leafy cutting to a railway yard stuffed full of old engines, carriages, railway buildings, and twee indie pop bands. With the main stage sponsored by Madrid’s Elefant Records there was a healthy contingent of Spanish bands and Spanish people, who always seem to be the friendliest people I ever meet at festivals. So, to kick off the totally amazing, excellent discovery of the Indietracks festival, here’s Cooper, a Spanish band who had heard before but didn’t really *get* until I saw them there supporting the Teenage Fanclub set. Whilst not likely to win any awards for innovation, they were nonetheless a charming, competent and heart warming outfit, who even apologised for singing in Spanish and threw in some English covers to make up for it. Here’s a picture I took of Norman Blake of Teenage Fanclub enjoying the entirety of the Cooper Set.

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Cooper - En El Sofa

The sharp-eyed amongst you might have noticed that this post has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with 12 step recovery. Well, I thought I’d try to ease back into that, the way I’m easing back into meetings (2 this week, an improvement). I really don’t feel like forcing it, I am sure I will think of something to say when I get the inspiration.

Something like…. when every waking hour is spent in the unthinking pursuit of various addictions to the exclusion of all other activity.

Life has been a bit like that recently, and I rocked up at Barcelona’s Primavera Sound last week in something of a state of exhaustion. By day 3 I was so tired I became ill, and missed a whole chunk of the festival. I’ve since been torturing myself by reading about the acts I missed, things I could have seen. But, whilst it is undoubtedly true that if unmanageability wasn’t raging in me at the moment, I’d get a lot more stuff done, I also should be wary about this “woulda coulda shoulda” thinking. The goal is progress, not perfection, and it’s one day at a time.

That’s not to say that Primavera Sound wasn’t completely amazing. I really have nothing to whinge about. I saw some dear friends, made some new ones, and had experiences that really were beyond my wildest dreams. So, that’s not so bad, is it? One of those experiences was the privilege of meeting My Bloody Valentine, and watching them play their open-air gig from the side of the stage, right next to the main speaker. I had my posh earplugs, but even so, it was like being strapped to a jumbo jet engine whilst it flew through an active volcano, with the noise being monitored and replayed x11. It was wonderful. I have completely fallen in love with this band. Here’s a pic I took and “I Only Said”.

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My Bloody Valentine - I Only Said

Next topic: Have I ever been arrested or had legal trouble as a result of my addiction?

Quite a lot. People, places and things. Most addicts’ lists feature things like alcohol, drugs, sugar, sex, love, relationships, nicotine, work, shopping, computer games, the internet, gambling, etc etc etc.

And, for me, any track with firework effects. I’m powerless over my instant obsession for it. Here’s a remix by Delorean (a new obsession following last weekend’s concert) of a track by L.A.’s Glasser, “Glad”. The blog that I stole it from, Gorilla vs. Bear, rightly said that the fireworks were “perfectly placed”. Here’s some (rare) value-added from higherpowermoment.com: the fireworks come in at the exact point of the Golden Ratio. I worked that out myself, with a calculator. Gotta love that Golden Ratio.

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Glasser - Glad (Delorean Remix)

Next topic: I’ve done things while acting out on my addiction that I would never do when focusing on recovery.

The second band I saw in my weekend trip to Spain was Klaus & Kinski - seeing them was really the purpose of the whole trip, as they are my New Favourite Band. I bought a ticket on the internet with just the vague idea I might go, it was a tantalisingly cheap 5 euro, and then a while later piled in with flights and a hotel. The ticket had to be collected from one of a selection of cashier points, and, well, I was a bit disorganised and didn’t really start trying to do this until the afternoon of the gig, a Sunday. I tried a couple of the cashier points, and seemed to find branches of Deutsche Bank and nothing obviously looking like where I might collect a ticket. So, I thought I’d just go to the venue and get the ticket there, or, if the worse came to the worse, splash out another 5 euro on another ticket. In a repeat of the day before, I got to the venue to find nobody there at all, except an equally baffled looking girl getting out of a car. The girl turned out to be Marina, from Klaus & Kinski, who I recognised from the amazing video below (filmed in a Barcelona hairdresser’s shop). We got chatting and it turned out I was toast - the internet ticket couldn’t be picked up from the venue, the cashier points were all shut, and the gig was sold out. Hmmm…. Marina, however, had a solution - a spare ticket. Thank you Marina. Thank you my Higher Power, who also this week showed me my dropped passport when I decided to root around under the hire car seat for a dropped pencil, and sorted out a little work crisis in a neat (and arse-saving) fashion.

The venue reminded me a lot of Stirling’s Tollbooth - a modern, clean, compact, seated theatre space. It hadn’t dawned on me that K&K use a drum machine rather than a drummer, and were sample heavy. That and the cool manner of Marina’s vocals all came as a surprise, and an all-seated venue meant it was rather more clinical experience than the thrashing around to waves of feedback I’d anticipated. However, it was gorgeous stuff, the combination of Marina’s chilled, restrained vocal and Alejandro Martínez’s exquisite guitar still makes them my NFB and I’m looking forward to seeing them again, hopefully in a more rough and ready venue.

So, I am powerless over life, and when I acknowledge this, life becomes manageable. I’ll write more about powerlessness in the context of Step 1 as we plough through the Narcotics Anonymous Step Working Guides questions on this topic over (I hope) the next few days (rather than weeks!).

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Klaus & Kinski - Nunca estás a la altura.mp3

Next topic: Over what, exactly, am I powerless?

The first band I saw this weekend in Spain was Delorean. The timing of the concert was classically Spanish - doors open at 10.00 pm, concert starts at 12.00 midnight. So I turned up at 12.00 midnight. To find… nothing. Some people setting up the bar. I was so early that everyone assumed I was with the band, and I was waved into the backstage / VIP area. The backstage / VIP area is not too interesting when you’re the only person there, so I left, and came back at 3.00 am, by which time Delorean was just getting started. I liked them. They are an interesting mix of guitar indie and electro, were intense live, and their mesmerising track “As Time Breaks Off” was the theme tune of my trip.

The club they played, Club Camelot in Santa Pola, was this weird Flintstone type castle, with way too much happening at once for my head to take in. Delorean occupied a corner and a crowd of 100 or so. There were other rooms with laptops playing crunching dance music, a full on disco in a conservatory, and muscled Spaniards revving pumped up Seats in the carpark. It was great. A girl watching Delorean was paralytically drunk, and was taking up a lot of her friend’s time and energy in repeated rescue attempts as she rather insanely tried to crack off with every bloke in stumbling range. Maybe it was just an off night for her. But for me, it was my failure to hold it together at increasing numbers of social events like these which began to sow seeds of doubt that I was controlling the use of my drug of choice. In the end though, the recognition came just like that, in a moment of clarity, sitting in a drunken haze at the bottom of my parents’ garden. A big moment. Gosh, this blog is getting confessional. Maybe I should be steering it onto more general principles. Well, one post at a time, we’ll see.

Delorean - Photo: Pepe Villena

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Delorean - As Time Breaks Off

Next topic: Powerlessness.

Ha. See here.

Actually, the real crisis was hitting a place where there was no possibility of running, hiding, wheedling, whining, or negotiating my way out of it. There is really no need for a rock bottom to be a true spectacular, and although mine felt like it to me, there others with things that might objectively seem worse and others with things that objectively seem not so worse. I guess it’s the point when you subjectively think and feel that this is it, life cannot carry on like this, and something must be done. You don’t need to know what that is right away - that’s step 2.

Gruesome though my rock bottom was, I know look back on it as a point when things began to get better, and better, and better. And so today I’m lucky enough to be sober, in Spain, in a town called Elche, here to see my beloved Klaus & Kinski play. Here’s a suitably appropriate cover by them, and the same song covered live by Belle & Sebastian.

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Klaus & Kinski - Here Comes the Sun

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Belle & Sebastian - Here Comes the Sun (Live)

Next topic: What situation led me to formally work Step One?

Chapter 31, the final chapter of Living Sober. It has been a lot of fun writing about this great little book and finding songs to tenuously connect to it. No, seriously!

Finding your own way is about your own individual journey to recovery. There isn’t a right way to do it. There are just suggestions, often pretty important suggestions, but suggestions nonetheless. And everyone can bring their individual experiences to the collective experience of the fellowship. One of the strengths of the 12 step programme is that this freedom to find your own path keeps the fellowship alive in a way that would not have been possible if there was a whole set of rules, regulations and procedures.

What next after Living Sober? Well, I think it might be time for some literature from another fellowship. This is probably insane, but I think I’m going to have a look at the Narcotics Anonymous Step Working Guides next. Mainly because it might finally encourage me to read it.

So, as part of my individual journey, I’m posting some songs that I could never link to anything, because I’ve still not taken those Spanish classes. I do hope Murcia’s Klaus & Kinski aren’t singing about getting shit-faced on these 3 tracks. Somehow I doubt it. I’m obsessed with this band right now, and my fingers are itching to buy Easyjet tickets to go see them live. Their album “tu hoguera està ardiendo” (”your bonfire is on fire”) is a very eclectic mix of styles but with heavy doses of shoegaze, pop, electronica, and more traditional Spanish folk elements. Although it’s a collection of demos with 2 extra songs (the first 2 here) it fits together like a studio album, largely due to the great vocals of singer Marina and the strength of the arrangements. Hmmm, the euro is expensive, but flights are cheap!

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Klaus & Kinski - crucifixción, la solución

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Klaus & Kinski - el cristo del perdón

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Klaus & Kinski - nunca estás a la altura

This chapter in Living Sober suggests we try something rather new and unusual as alcoholics: being good to ourselves.

What? New and unusual?? Isn’t that what I spent a career of active addiction doing? One long self-indulgent, selfish, spree? OK, I can see that some of the stuff (ok, all of the stuff) I indulged in wasn’t exactly healthy, but surely I’m a past master at looking after No. 1.

Well, not really. The chapter reminds us that many addicts are perfectionists, impatient of any shortcomings, especially their own. We set ourselves impossible goals, and then beat ourselves up when we fail to be super-perfect. Being good to yourself is something that can be practiced on a mental/spiritual level as well as a physical/material level. Not that either way is a bad way. Mentally, I can remind myself about what went right in the day: I stayed sober. I made it to a meeting. I took a 12 step call. I ate 3 healthy meals. I got to the gym. I did some work. I made some calls to friends and family. OK, so not all my goals were achieved, but I did all I could in the day. And, yeah, the goals were totally unrealistic in the first place.  And on a physical/material level? Well, I think I’m going to have a hot chocolate, and listen to my favourite Spanish band, La Buena Vida. I’m afraid I can’t tell you what they are singing about because although I have a Spanish teacher, my out-of-control pride and perfectionism won’t actually let me a have a lesson until I learn fluent Spanish from my CD’s first. Not that I’m mental or anything.

La Buena Vida formed in Donostia-San Sebastián in 1988, still perform today, and were apparently one of the cult indie Spanish bands of the 1990’s. I say apparently as of course I wasn’t knocking around Spain in the 1990’s, and there is not much written about them in English, and of course I have this Spanish linguistic problem of not speaking Spanish. I do know that LBV had two distinct stages, their early stuff being melodic, jangly pop with influences from The Smiths, BMX Bandits, Orange Juice, Belle & Sebastian, and then with their 1997 album Soidemersol they had a second stage with a much gentler, orchestrated sound. I saw them perform Soidemersol with an orchestra live at last December’s Primavera Club festival in Barcelona, fantastic because it was the fulfillment of an ambition (and a real gift of sobriety), and a wonderful gig, although I did pine for some of the earlier, more exuberant stuff. And now I’m going to blow my own argument out of the water (damn, and this was meant to be a super-perfect introduction!) by posting two tracks from the second, post-Soidermosol era.  But both of them are the aural equivalent of a cup of hot chocolate.

La Buena Vida @ Primavera Club - Photo: higherpowermoment.com

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La Buena Vida - Autobuses (from the 2006 album Vidania)

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La Buena Vida - Vini, Vidi, Vinci (from the 2002 album Hallelujah!)

Next post: Looking out for overelation.