When did I first recognise my addiction as a problem?
The first band I saw this weekend in Spain was Delorean. The timing of the concert was classically Spanish - doors open at 10.00 pm, concert starts at 12.00 midnight. So I turned up at 12.00 midnight. To find… nothing. Some people setting up the bar. I was so early that everyone assumed I was with the band, and I was waved into the backstage / VIP area. The backstage / VIP area is not too interesting when you’re the only person there, so I left, and came back at 3.00 am, by which time Delorean was just getting started. I liked them. They are an interesting mix of guitar indie and electro, were intense live, and their mesmerising track “As Time Breaks Off” was the theme tune of my trip.
The club they played, Club Camelot in Santa Pola, was this weird Flintstone type castle, with way too much happening at once for my head to take in. Delorean occupied a corner and a crowd of 100 or so. There were other rooms with laptops playing crunching dance music, a full on disco in a conservatory, and muscled Spaniards revving pumped up Seats in the carpark. It was great. A girl watching Delorean was paralytically drunk, and was taking up a lot of her friend’s time and energy in repeated rescue attempts as she rather insanely tried to crack off with every bloke in stumbling range. Maybe it was just an off night for her. But for me, it was my failure to hold it together at increasing numbers of social events like these which began to sow seeds of doubt that I was controlling the use of my drug of choice. In the end though, the recognition came just like that, in a moment of clarity, sitting in a drunken haze at the bottom of my parents’ garden. A big moment. Gosh, this blog is getting confessional. Maybe I should be steering it onto more general principles. Well, one post at a time, we’ll see.
Delorean - Photo: Pepe Villena
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Next topic: Powerlessness.
Tags: addiction, Delorean, Flintstones, moment of clarity, Narcotics Anonymous, spain, step 1, steps working guides